Mirror Universe
by Andy0001z
Summary: Can Lister, Kochanski, Cat and Kryten find a way back from the Mirror Universe to save Rimmer from the microbe stricken Red Dwarf and what the heck happened to my teeth!
1. All Change

**Hi everybody, in this story I try and provide the story around what happened to Lister and the guys when they enter the Mirror Universe and set about their adventures to return and save Rimmer from the dieing Red Dwarf in my other Fic (Rimmer Re-Born). **

**We start the adventure with the guys stepping through the mirror to a whole new world of fun. I hope you like and reviews are most welcome.**

**Mirror Universe**

**by Andy001z**

Lister, Kryten the Cat and Kochanski stepped through their own reflections into the mirror universe. They had no choice really, the microbe was spreading far faster than expected and Captain Hollister had already evacuated most of the crew. It was a simple choice. Stay and risk Rimmer not securing the antidote or step into the other universe that was not effected by the microbe and find Rimmer.

The Cat looked about the room. "Did we make it?"

"I believe so. Hmmm, let me check a couple of things." Said Kryten also taking in the fairly standard grey walled room.

He walked over to a storage locker and pulled out a guitar. "Arhh excellent. Mr Lister sir if you would be so kind." He said handing Lister the instrument.

Lister took the guitar and started to play, and instead of the normal din that occurred normally, this time when he played the room wall alive with guitar rips that just made you want to weep.

"Wow that's pretty cool man." Said the Cat, who was trying to turn and spin in time to the tune but finding somehow his feet would not follow him.

Kryten turned to Kochanski. "Excellent, now Miss Kocanski what do you fancy for Dinner?"

She looked at him with a puzzled expression but answered his question. "Errr, actually I could murder a curry. Hang on that's not right." She paused with a bemused look on her face, which then turned into one of need. "But, mmmm yeah a vindaloo with poppadoms washed down with a larger." She stood there with a distant far off look, dreaming of this special meal.

Kryten looked pleased. "Perfect just as I hoped. I can confirm we are in the mirror universe. In this universe Mr Lister here really is the Axe master of the guitar, while Miss Kochanski here no longer wants to eat salad all day but in fact now loves curry." Finished Kryten looking smug.

"Hang on bud, what about me what's the mirror version of me." Said the Cat.

They all turned to look at the Cat, who was right at this moment routing through a closet and pulling out a tank top and pair of brown corduroy trousers.

"Err Cat, you might want to take a look in the Mirror?" said Lister.

The Cat stopped his search and opened the door of the closet wider to reveal the mirror on the back of the door. "OH NO, not him anything but him."

Staring back from the mirror was Dwayne Dibbly. The Cats perfect hair and white straight teeth were replaced with the trade mark look of a Star trek convention nerd.

He closed the door and turned to the others. "I'm going back, dead is better than this." He took a step towards the mirror put he tripped on his laces and fell headlong towards it. The others winced as his face made contact with the smooth surface and he slowly slid squeaking down the glass.

The Cat rubbed his head and stood up. "Hey, what happened to the magic door?" He shrieked.

"It must have over heated and closed the gateway between dimensions." Said Kryten.

Lister examined the device on the desk. "Hang on, isn't this the same as the one in our universe? Kryten see if you can re-establish a link. Kris, and Dwayne you are with me. We are going to find Rimmer. Kryten stay in contact."

Lister, Kochanski and the Cat headed out of the room. "Any ideas on where he would have gone?" asked Kochanski.

Lister was going through his pockets and found what he was looking for; the once hairy mint was now shiny and untouched, he popped it into his mouth and turned to answer Kochanski.

"Not sure but there has to be some science labs on this ship, lets head up to B deck and see if they are there as they are in the same place as on our Red Dwarf." Replied Lister heading for the lift.

They all entered the lift and waited while the doors shut. "What if we don't find him, we are going to get stuck here?" asked Kochanski.

The Cat who was in the corner fighting to straighten his now thick matt hair, looked up at the others.

"Stuck here! Stuck here like this, that is not an option this kitty is willing to accept." Wailed the Cat.

"OK, everyone smegging calm down, we will find Rimmer, and sort this out. Just hit the button and lets go." Said Lister trying to avoid the others eyes.

* * *

Meanwhile Rimmer hummed to himself a favourite Reggie Wilson number. He had done a good days work; he had secured the name of the antidote, so that his Red Dwarf science team could make it. Rimmer got into the turbo lift and headed back down to the mirror he had stepped through and back through to his Red Dwarf. Unfortunately, he was completely unaware that the others had also come through and right at this moment were passing him next door lift, heading up while he headed down.

He thought he was returning to save the day and as he waited for the lift to reach the appropriate level he ran through his return. People would be shouting and cheering his name, he would be welcomed as a hero, probably be made 2nd in command or something.

His mind was brought back into focus by the lift PING, it stopped and the doors slid open. He stepped out and rounded the corner to the corridor where he would find his gateway back. He found the room and walked bristly through the door only to find someone he recognised in the room.

"Kryten, what are you doing here, oh wait don't tell me you're not Kryten, but actually a mirror version of him. Let me guess not a sanitation unit but some sort of clever droid engineer and you detected this device and have come to investigate." Began Rimmer.

Kryten started to try and explain that he was Rimmers Kryten and that the others had also come over, but Rimmer continued, ignoring Krytens comments..

"Look, nice to meet you and all, but I have this important mission and if you could just turn that on."

As if on his command the device burst into life and the mirror shimmered as the door to his world re-opened.

Rimmer smiled. "Fantastic, well must dash, I believe I will be having dinner with the captain tonight." Rimmer smiled and stepped through the mirror before Kryten could stop him.

Kryten fumbled with the Radio. "Sir, Mr Lister sir, please come in."

Listers questioning tone came over the radio. "What's up Kryten?"

"Mr Rimmer sir, he was here and oh it's all my fault, he's gone." Said Kryten going into guilt mode.

"Gone where?" asked Lister

"Gone back through the Mirror. He was babbling about dinner with the captain so I assume he has the antidote." Said Kryten.

"OK, we will turn around and re-group, hang on." Said Lister.

Krytens voice almost in full panic mode. "Wait sir there is more. The door has closed again and I can't seem to re-establish it."

Lister paused. Had Rimmer done it, was he and the crew now safe? He had to know. "Kryten we are continuing onto the Science labs. Maybe someone there can help us, Keep trying to repair that connection.

The lift arrived at B-deck and they stepped out into the gleaming white corridor. The faint sound of someone humming a tune was coming from one of the open doors further down the corridor.

Lister and the others headed for that door. Inside they where greeted with someone who looked like Kochanski. Her feet resting on the desk top, white cotton wool between each toe as she painted her tow nails. She was humming a tune as she did it. She head them come in and looked up.

"Oh hi, hey wait a minute is that me that's so cool." She said spotting Kochanski and dipping her nail brush into the bright pink nail polish.

Kochanski was not sure what her role was in this universe but it did not look like it was one where she needed a lot of brain cells. She spoke to this version, using her Lister after 20 cans of wicked strength larger voice. "Hi, is there someone we can talk to around here?" she asked.

"Oh yeah like sure, hang on." Replied the other Kochanski, who turned around and bellowed in the direction of an adjoining room.

"Professor, someone here to see you!"

The others waited and all of them stood there with their mouths open as in the door way stood what was clearly the Cat but wearing a long white coat and thick glasses. Looking very much the part of a scientist.

Lister could just make out the name tag on his lapel. 'Professor, Ships boffin'

"Arrhh more mirror universe visitors." Said the Professor "I say, this is a most splendid. I shall have to write a paper about this phenomenon. Do come in, yes yes do come in." Said the Professor, ushering the still shocked looking group into his lab.

Inside the lab he looked around at each of them, finally his eyes settling on the Cat. "My my, what do we have here, this is not right." He said raising an eyebrow.

The Cat aware that he was being talked about and not too, spoke up. "Dam right it's not right, look at me. I have already had three people ask me which charity shop I work for."

The Professor continued. "Yes, it would seem that you my friend have not inherited my good fortune and have reverted back to another polar opposite. "

"You call what you look like good fortune, get me out of here, this place is crazy!" said the Cat looking very downbeat.

The Professor explained that he had indeed been visited by Rimmer, and that he had given him the name of the antidote that Rimmer had brought to him.

"I even wrote it down for him on a very long piece of paper." Said the Professor, extending his arms to show the size.

He continued. "But I fear I made a terrible mistake."

"Why?" asked Lister.

"Well he asked me what was in his tube and I told him. But what he really needed was the name of the Microbe or better still a tube of it that is destroying your reality's ship. You see when he steps back into your reality it will all revert back to the destructive microbe and poor Mr Rimmer will be right back to where he started." The professor took off his glasses and rubbed the lenses with a hankie from his pocket.

Kryten stepped forward from the group. "Hmm I fear you are correct sir."

Lister found a stool and sat down. "So what now, if Rimmer has gone back with nothing but the name of the microbe. Smeg he's not going to make it is he."

"Yes I am afraid it would appear that way." Said the Professor.

"Face it guys, he's gone! Yeahawwwooowww!" Danced the cat badly.

Behind them they heard the other Kochanski make a swooning noise, they all turned to see another version of Rimmer standing in the doorway.

"Mr Ace Rimmer sir, what are you doing here?" said Kryten.

"Well I was just in the neighbourhood and thought it rude not to pop by." Said Ace his hair flopping from one side to the other.

"Are you the mirror version of Rimmer from this reality Ace?" asked Lister.

"He would be so lucky, no I'm 100% genuine article. I like to keep an eye on old iron balls, call it an investment. I heard there was a bit of a caper going down." Replied Ace.

"Yeah, it's Rimmer, he is in trouble and the Professor thinks there is nothing we can do." Said Lister.

"Nonsense Skipper there is always something we can do. Let me think a tick." Ace paced the room and in by the time he reached the other side he spoke again.

"OK got it. We just need to develop an antidote, cross travel between mirror universes and maybe time travel in the process. Nothing we can't rustle up hey Professor?" said Ace with a level of assurance that even made the Cat smile.

The Professor put his finger to his lips. "Hmmm let me think, well I do know the name of the antidote microbe and I might even have a sample that Mr Rimmer left for me to review. Give me some time and I'll see what I can do.

Lister turned back to the professor. "How much time exactly are we talking prof?"

The Professor walked over to his white board and began to furiously scribble equations. After what seemed an age he turned back to the others.

He took off his glasses again and retrieved his hankie to rub them, a nervous habit he had picked up when ever he had bad news.

"Well according to my calculations, it should take me approximately 2 years to develop the microbe. Yes, I would say about that long."

The Cat was first to react. He lept at the professor only to miss by a clear two feet and crash into a desk of papers. "Dam my nerdy clumsiness." He said.

Lister went to stand between the two Cats. "Look Cat, calm down, I am sure we can work something out."

"We better, because if I have to live like this for two years I will find the nearest air lock and start counting stars." Cat said picking himself up and failing to avoid knocking the rest of the stack of paper work to the floor.

Kochanski who was sitting across the room spoke. "It's a long time, we can't just go anywhere on this ship, effectively we are illegal aliens. They might lock us up or worse do experiments on us."

Ace held up his hands. "Now now, let's not get to excited there sweet lips. I have an idea. Professor does this ship have a sweet of stasis booths?"

The Professor thought for a second. "Yes I believe it does."

"Good, right here's what we do. You three go into Stasis for the time, while the Prof here whisks up the microbe. I will find a way to get you all back to your reality at the right time. I know this chap in Dimension 454 that might be able to help. Agreed?"

The others collectively nodded.

"Good, let's get this show on the road, Lister do you still have the keys to Starbug?." Said Ace.

"Sure, here you go." said Lister tossing them across the gap between them.

"Excellent, I'll explain all in two years." Said Ace turning to leave. "Smoke me a Kipper, I'll be back for a late breakfast."

Ace swept out of the room and past the other Kochanski who was being put onto a stretcher. Turning to one of the bearers, he said.

"Sorry about that chaps, I have that effect on women sometimes." And with that he was gone.


	2. Dimension 454

Dimension 454 – Planet Scar

The smooth seductive tones of Wildfire the onboard computer broke his thoughts. "Ace, are you sure you want to go down there, you remember what happened last time?"

"What you mean the blonde and the large vat of Venus custard?" said Ace, taking his craft into an approach orbit.

"No Ace, the other incident with the Barron." Countered the computer.

"Oh that, I am sure he's forgotten all about that little upset with his daughter." Said Ace confidently.

The communications system burst into life and a voice in a broad Austrian sounding accent spoke, Ace recognised it.

"Ace Rimmer, I have been waiting for your return. Don't bother landing I have two intercept missiles locked onto your craft and in 60 seconds you will be space dust."

"Barron old friend, look I didn't know your lovely daughter was promised to that Dunrock prince and frankly she didn't really give me much time for small talk."

Ace heard the Barron's teeth grind at his last words. He continued anyway. "Listen, why don't we forget the little matter."

"30 seconds Ace and there will be no more to discuss between you and me. You will be dead soon enough." The Barron's his voice breaking in a mad laugh.

"Dam I knew that family were barking, Computer you got a lock on those missiles?" Asked Ace.

The computers voice sounded worried. "Yes Ace I have them on rapid intercept."

"Right'O give me full manual old girl and hang on." Said Ace gripping the flight stick in front of him.

Behind the craft two missiles snaked towards his ship. Ace fired up the engines to full tilt and headed down towards the planet. The front of his craft soon glowed red as he hit the outer atmosphere and behind him the two missiles did the same.

"Come on, dam it, need to go steeper." Said Ace his face clearly experiencing some discomfort at flying at such speeds. He pushed the stick forward and went into an even steeper dive.

"Ace, at this angle and speed we risk burning up. " Stated the computer.

"I know old girl, but that's the idea and anyway thought you liked things steamy between us." Ace glanced over his shoulder at the two white hot missiles. The atmosphere was thicker now and he could make out the surface rapidly getting closer.

"Just a few more seconds." He grimaced and then behind him he heard two explosions. He had no time to look and pulled hard on the stick as he fought to bring the craft out of the dive.

"Oh Ace, there is not enough space between us and the ground. Impact in 10…9….8…7"

Ace fought to remain awake and saw the blue surface of the planet rapidly approaching.

"Smoke me a ……."

* * *

When Ace woke up he was in some sort of large cavern. He was still in his cot pit and all systems seemed normal.

"Computer what happened?"

"We broke the planets surface but lucky for us the crust was super thin and we ended up in this huge cavern. I seemed to have sustained minor damage." Said the computer her tone much calmer now.

Ace popped the top and climbed down onto the rock below. He looked about at the walls and floors. He was clearly in some sort of a lava cavern and given the amount of steam rising from the vents it wasn't that old. He shone his touch out cross the space around him. '_Hmmm no way forward and no way back just back up through the hole we made_' he thought pausing and turned to give the ship a sweep with his light. All looked in good order she should be ready to go. "_Right'O _computer let's go".

Just as he was climbing up into his craft he heard a roar. He turned and looked at the floor. It was changing it seemed to be glowing. "Err Computer better start the pre-heat old girl, looks like we need to make a swift exit." He said jumping over the edge of his craft and into his flight seat.

The legs of Wildfire dripped lava as he rose slowly into the space inside the cavern. Below him the lava also rose. "Now I remember why they call the planet Scar, let's leave this BBQ roasting session to some one else shall we computer."

The computer didn't reply but took the craft up and out of the cavern as the lava followed him and spilled out of the exit hole and onto the surface, forming new scars across the landscape.

"Computer remind me to take a holiday somewhere colder next year." Said Ace looking at the bubbling lava below.

Ace hugged the planet floor, just in case the Barron had more missiles up his sleeve. He was heading to Tin town.


	3. Stasis Dreams

**Next bit.....**

A bright flash, then nothing…..

More light, more darkness…..

More light and then a light breeze.

Lister opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was a large sea bird stood on the top bar of some sort of steel railings, beyond that all Lister could see was water and sky.

"Smegging hell, where the smeg am I?" he said but the large bird simply opened its wings and took to the sky.

"Fat help you were." Said Lister to the departing form of the bird.

He stood there taking in his surroundings. He appeared to be on some kind of ship, not a modern space ship but a really old fashion one. The kind that they used for sea crossings way back before space travel began. Far above his head he could just make out two huge funnels bellowing out thick grey smoke. In front of him was a series of small round holes trimmed with shinny metal and covered in glass. Below his feet the smooth polished wooden planks ran the length and breathe of the deck.

As he glanced around he thought that something looked familiar about this place; of course he had never been on any of the old ocean ships but he had seen old news reels. He remembered seeing an old story about an old boat called the SS Queen Mary that had been sold off for scrap but rescued and was now the worlds biggest pizza restaurant.

He turned back to the sea view and gripped the white railing. He looked over the edge to the sea far below and noticed that there was at least two other decks below his. He decided to investigate and so turned back around and headed through a near by door.

Inside the doorway, a plush corridor led away with many doors all marked with numbers. '_Cabins' _he guessed. At the end of the corridor was a flight of stairs '_Up or down?' _wondered Lister. '_Smeg it, up it is._' He headed up the stairs to the next floor and found himself in a wider space with glass doors that looked to lead to some sort of dinning area. He pushed the doors open and walked into the empty room. '_Where the smeg is everyone?_' he thought.

"Hello, anyone here?" he tried.

Nothing, just the hum of the ships engines, but just then he head a bell, two sharp rings and then silence. A voice began to make an announcement over the speakers.

"This is your captain speaking, we would like all passengers to note that the push courts are now back open and the offending spillage has been cleared. We would like to remind all passengers that they should have care and consideration to all other passengers when feeling sea sick. Please reframe from being sick over the side rails from the top deck as it does not always reach its indented destination, i.e. the sea. Thank you."

Lister knew that voice, he could never forget that voice, and it was the voice of one Arnold J. Rimmer, only it did sound slightly odd, more posher than normal.

He decided that his best option was to find Rimmer.

White light again and Lister suddenly found himself in a different part of the ship. '_Odd, very odd._' He thought. He now found himself standing on the top deck right at the front of the ship. He watched the bow cut through the waves while behind and above him was the bridge.

As he looked up at the windows he noticed some movement.

"Hey, you, Hey Hello!" called Lister waving his arms up at the bridge windows.

The tall figure did not move at first but then a door to one side opened and someone in a dark navy officer's suit came out.

Lister could not make out the persons features as the sun was in his eyes.

The individual called out. "Ahoy there, can I help you Sir?"

'_Rimmers voice'_thought Lister and moved closer to block out the sun. He looked up at Rimmer in a full naval officer uniform. "Rimmer what the smeg are you doing man?"

The man called back. "I'm sorry I can't hear you, to much noise from the sea and engines, Sir please come up here."

Lister thought to himself. '_Since when has Rimmer started calling me Sir, and more to the point since when did he make captain of a huge ocean liner.'_He continued towards a stairway that would take him up to Rimmer. At the bottom of the stairs he noticed a large orange life ring. In large white letters he read "". He paused, somewhere that memory sparked again but he still was not sure where from.

White light enveloped his view and when he could see again he was no longer outside the ship but inside, sitting at a dinner table and across from him sat Rimmer, now in a white navel uniform for formal dress.

"Arrhh good of you to join me Mr Lister sir, would you like some wine, it's the very best you know?" Said the man who looked and sounded like Rimmer.

"Sure, whatever." Said Lister taking a swig from the full glass. "Hang on, Rimmer what's going on, why are we on this ship and how did you make captain?" asked Lister looking very confused.

"Sir, you and I go right back, why we served together. I got this commission under special orders." He said winking.

Lister frowned. "I never served in any forces Rimmer, I joined the Space Core not the smegging navy. And what the smeg has had happened to Red Dwarf?"

The Captain paused mid sip of his own wine. "Sir, can I be frank."

Lister nodded.

"You seem to be talking a lot of nonsense, have you been laying out in the sun to much?" he said raising an eyebrow.

"No, I have smegging well not. One minute Me, Kryten the Cat and Kris are heading into stasis and the next I wind up here on this ship and you are here but your probably dead." Said Lister taking a large swig of the remaining wine and gasping.

"And do you know what's more, I think this smegging ship is bad news." Said Lister looking around.

Rimmer slammed his glass down, spilling some of the contents. "Dam it sir, you talk nonsense this is the finest ship ever built, it will never sink or come to harm."

The word sink, hit a note in Lister's mind. "Errr what year is it?" he asked.

"1912. Why?" asked Rimmer.

"Oh nothing, just got a feeling." Said Lister, his memory now in full recall.

"And how far into our voyage are we?" asked a concerned sounding Lister.

Rimmer took out his pocket watch and checked the date. "We are 3 days in."

Lister gulped. "And what about large chunks of ice, seen any of them."

Rimmer stood up. "I do not know what has gotten into you sir but I think you should retire to your room." With that he left Lister watching him disappear out of the room.

White light and darkness, then light again. Lister opened his eyes and found he was lying on a bed in a small but pleasantly furnished room. He sat up and swung his legs over the bed.

"Smeg, I am on the smegging Titanic with Rimmer at the helm. What the smeg is going on."

He tried to recall going in stasis and remembered seeing a small green light turn red but since then nothing but this ship. Was he dreaming, was this some strange stasis induced dream. He did keep finding himself move from one spot to another. He pinched his arm hard, nope that didn't do it. He got up and walked over to the basin and ran the cold tap, and splashed cold water on to his face. '_Still here'_ he scanned the room and noticed the draws he walked up to them and opened the top draw. Inside was a series of neatly pressed shirts. He placed his hand in the draw he sucked in his breath. '_Right then here goes_' he thought and slammed the door shut on his hand.

"Awwooooo." He shouted, then noticed he was still very much here and so followed it with. "Smegging hell."

He sat back down on the bed. Ok so he was on the Titanic with a man who clearly thought he was the captain, well that was a start I guess, maybe he did know how to command this ship. Maybe in this crazy thing he was trapped in the ship would not sink.

He took comfort in his thoughts and stretched out and promptly fell asleep.

He awoke to the sound of a loud booming noise. '_What the smeg is that?_' thought Lister sitting up. He got up and opened the door to his cabin. Nobody around. He closed the door and crossed the room to the small round window. Looking out he could not see anything so he unscrewed the latch and opened it. It was just big enough for him to press his face to and look through.

Lister still could see not a lot as the sea was now covered in a thick blanked of fog and as he peered out the fog horn sounded again. Lister could not see further than a few meters from the ship, but what he could see filled him with dread. A large junk of ice floated past, close enough that if he stretched out his arm through the window he could have stroked it.

He hurriedly closed the window with a curse, and headed for the Bridge.


	4. Professor

"Oh my, oh my, oh my, this microbe is proving quite complicated." Said the Cat professor as he peered into his microscope.

From outside the lab the mirror Kocahanski ambled in. "Hey Prof, you said to remind you when your next visit to the stasis chambers was due." She said leaning against his lab table.

The Professor looked up and noticed her leaning very close to the live sample of the very thing that destroyed the mirror universe. It was still in early stages of development but he was making some progress. "Be careful my dear, that tube there could very well be the doom of us all if it breaks. Now what did you say?"

Kochanski stopped leaning but started checking her nails out instead.

"Oh right sure, you are due to go and check on the mirror versions of us in stasis. In fact you where due to weeks ago, but I just can't figure out this new calendar system we have."

The Professor peered over his thick glasses. "My dear, that is the same system we have had since we left space port 15 years ago. Two weeks, my my, I better go straight away." He said picking up his note pad and walking out of his lab.

56 floors below and he stepped out of the turbo lift and headed towards the stasis sweet. As he walked he sang a little tune that he seemed to have picked up from a dream he had last night.

"You got me tongue tied, tongue tied, flibbple dop, doobe dop. When you near me… dumm de dumm.. tongue tied…" he sang. It had occurred to him it seemed strange to be singing in such a vain way, but he had been working very hard of late.

The red light on four booths was lit, indicating stasis was active in those chambers. He went up to the first and peered inside. He saw a static image of Kryten mid finger pointing. He remembered how Kryten had protested and had wanted to help him, but it was far safer this way.

He scanned the chamber stats, all green, excellent. He moved to the next one, and looked in at Kochanski. She didn't look to happy either, he was not sure what her problem had been but Kryten had said it was a women thing and he could explain everything. When however he had tried, the Professor just looked confused and decided he would stick to nuclear physics than women. Again he read the booths stats and all were green.

Next he turned his attention to the mirror version of himself. He wiped the condensation from the glass and saw as normal the same static image of the Cat in mid fall. How he hand managed to trip up mid stasis freeze the professor will never know, but his stasis stats were all green too.

Lastly he turned his attention to Lister. Lister stood inside the booth, his classic booth pose adopted; a small wave mid motion, and a stupid grin on his face. The professor looked down at the stats, green, green, amber, green, no wait that was not right. He checked again, yes the stasis field was at 99.6% it was not complete. In effect Lister was still an event, even if it was only a very very small one.

The professor scratched his head and wondered what he should do. There were no other booths free and if he risked bringing Lister out now the booth might fail to operate again. He looked at the counter; it read No of Booth days, 452, just over a year in stasis, still too long left to bring him out.

He decided to leave him, given that it was such a small leak it should not effect Lister. All that might happen is he would be a tiny bit older than when he went in.

He left the booths and went back to his lab and his work, not realising what was going on inside Listers head.


	5. Tin Town

**Thanks for the reviews, now back to the action....**

Ace strolled through the open air market and as he did so he scanned the faces in the crowds, he was looking for someone, someone special. He looked left and right, looking down the dark alleys that led to god knows what sort of trouble. A loud laugh caught his attention and turning in that direction he saw the person he wanted and strolled over to him.

"Hey Slate, I want a word with you!" Ace said as he slapped his hand on the big mans shoulder.

The huge hulk of the part human part genetic life form turned and glared down at him.

"Ace Rimmer, I might of known you were back in town, all the taverns have bumped up there insurance premiums. What you want?" he growled and sneered at Ace.

"I want you to tell me why that piece of crap you sold me two years back blew up when I needed it most. I want a refund." Said Ace squaring up to Slate's chest, even through he only came up to his mid section. Slate wasn't just big, he was massive. Ace had run into him in a bar and at first they had a few teething problems but after a few rounds of fisty cuffs, things had straightened out between them. Actually Ace remembered it as more like dodge the brick fists, the finally the two of them had finally burnt out and sorted out there differences over a drink.

Slate continued the game of grim accusation. "What, you come here to my place and threaten me, you better have a bigger gun this time Ace!"

Ace flicked his wrist back and pulled a double blast pulse rifle from behind his back. "Big enough for you?" he asked.

Slate held up his hands and laughed. "Ha ha, sure, looks good, want to trade?" he grinned. Then sticking out his hand he and ace exchanged a shake.

"Maybe, but I need something pretty special." Replied Ace putting more emphasis on the word special.

Slate stood aside and directed Ace to a door behind him. "Well we better go inside and talk, to many eyes and ears out here." He said once more grinning and showing that far too many of his black teeth were missing.

Inside Ace sat across the room from the massive frame of Slate. Ace's hardly filled the huge chair that Slate used. As he glanced around the room he wondered what half the devices did, he knew if anyone was going to be able to help him adapt the Dimension drive to span time and space this man would be a dam good bet.

Slate sat down in his own chair and pored a drink, a drink that had made Tin town famous. He passed the glass to Ace. "To old friends." He said downing his glass.

Ace raised the glass to his lips and swallowed the contents. It slid down his throat and straight away he felt the effects from the substances that this particular drink was famous for seep into his system. Luckily he knew this was a custom that Slate would expect and had taken some stabilisers before touching down in Tin Town. They helped but he still struggled to remain focused on the task at hand.

"So Ace, what you need. Want to trade that rust bucket you call a ship?" he grinned.

"No, Wildfire and I are just fine thanks. I am thinking something a bit more special, I need a time drive." Said Ace setting the glass down.

Slate sat back and laughed. "A time drive. You do know they have been illegal in this sector for the last 100 years. It isn't going to be easy."

Ace knew what that meant. "You mean expensive. I have good credit."

"Yes, you have but how about another drink first." Grinned Slate mischievously

Ace was well aware this was all part of Slates way of driving up the price for his services. Get the punter drunk enough to accept anything. He also knew that slate would be offended if he refused. "Sure why not." He smiled.

Slate pored them a second glass, and handed one to Ace. "To time!" Slate toasted.

"To time!" said Ace knocking back the contents once more. This time however he was forced to close his eyes as the room span wildly. He fought himself back under control. When he felt sure the room had stopped spinning and noticed Slate grinning to himself. Of course his huge frame could take this stuff, that and the fact he practically lived off the stuff.

"So Slate, how soon can you get one hooked up to Wildfire for me?" he said making every effort not to slur his words.

Slate pulled a computer tab from the desk next to him and tapped in some details. At last he looked up at Ace. "OK, it's going to cost thirty thousand Tin town new moon dollars." Slate watched to see if Ace showed any emotion at the figure which he did not.

He continued."I can fit it by the end of the week for you."

Ace did the maths, he did not have enough on him and so he would be around ten thousand short but he had an idea about that. "Deal!" he said leaning over to shake on it.

"OK, deal Ace, you leave it to me and I will have you slipping back to last Tuesday before you know it, just remember you didn't get it from me right. If they come looking for you, you don't know me." Said Slate with a smile.

"Who are they?" asked Ace.

"The time robots. They were created to keep an eye on all time travel in this sector. If you're caught they erase you and your drive from time. If you ask me it's all a bit over the top but it has kept this sector clean of time scandals for some years now." Replied Slate.

"Thanks for the tip off, I will be sure to watch my back." Said Ace getting up and having to grip the sides of the chair to steady himself.

"If you need me Ill be staying across town somewhere."

"It's OK Ace I'll find you, you'll be in the place were all the action is going down." Grinned Slate.

Ace left Slate to it, and headed back across town. He needed a place to lie down and get this drink from his system. He headed for a bar with rooms that would suffice.

The Bar tender acknowledged him with a nod and handed him a key. Ace looked at the fob. No. 13. '_Great my lucky number'_ he sighed and climbed the stairs to his room.

The room was sparse but it would do. It had everything he needed, a bed, a basin and a quick access to the roof should he require a sharp exit. Not that he was expecting trouble but it was best to have a plan.

Ace stretched out on the bed and made himself comfortable. Just as his eyes started to get heavy there was a light knock on the door.

He sat up sighing at being disturbed and reached for his gun. Placing it behind his back he went to stand against the wall next to the door.

"Yes, who is it?" he asked.

A female voice strained as she tried to make herself heard but not so loud to give her presence away to all.

"Ace darling, it's me, open up and let me in."

Ace's features changed into one of recollection. He knew that voice and it was trouble. Fun trouble maybe but he was on a mission and '_oh screw it why not_', he thought and opened the door.

A yellow skinned pretty female stood at the door with all four of her eye lids fluttering at him. "You better come in." he said standing back from the door.

She walked in and waited for him to shut the door. Then when he turned back towards her he slapped him hard across the face. "ACE RIMMER, HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THAT!" she screamed.

Ace held up his hands to fend off any more attacks and smiled. "Look I had a spot of bother that needed taking care off and had to leave in a dash, nothing personal."

She glared at him. "NOTHING PERSONAL! You upped and left me when Daddy found out, didn't you?"

Ace sat down on the bed and patted it implying she should sit down also. She didn't and crossed her arms and waited for his reply.

"Arrhh yes, well you see I make a rule not to mess with families, especially Barons who own lots of big guns. If I had stayed around it would have not been safe for either of us. You understand don't you sugar. I mean a pretty little thing like you Lavender needs to be looked after."

She relented and sat down, resting her head on her chin. "It's always the same, every time I meet someone that I like, Daddy comes along and shoots them. Frankly I was rather surprised to hear you were back in town."

Ace raised an eyebrow. "News certainly gets around fast here doesn't it?"

She looked up and grinned mischievously. "We don't get many men like you in these parts very often."

Ace retorted. "That's true."

Her face changed again, to one of hope. "So Ace darling, did you come back for little old me."

Ace could tell this was a sticky situation, but he had been in it many times before. He turned to look at her and simply kissed her big blue lips.

* * *

Twelve or so hours later he woke up, only something was wrong. Instead of the nice relaxed feeling he normal go after a long sex session he felt rather cold and frankly slightly drugged. He was no longer lying next to the soft skin of a lady but was now spread out on the cold hard floor of what looked to be a cell. He got up and walked to the barred door.

"Hey, Hello. Any one there?" shouted Ace.

A figure came hurrying down the corridor towards him. He smelt her perfume before he could see her face but knew it was Lavender. "Hey Lavender, what gives with the change of scene?" he called to her.

"SShhhhhh!!" she said as she approached the bared door. "If you don't keep quite Daddy might hear you.

"What so this was not Daddy's doing?" said Ace.

"No, it was mine. I knew that the great Ace Rimmer would leave me again, so I decided to take action. I drugged you in your sleep and brought you over with the help of my man servant." Said Lavender with a giggle.

"Look, you know I would have come for dinner if you just asked." Said Ace grinning.

"So what now, you plan to keep me here as you pet or something do you?" said Ace eyeing up the hinges on the door.

"Yes and no, I will work on Daddy and maybe I can convince him not to kill you, and let you and I marry." She said with more giggles.

Ace checked if Lavender had found his escape kit in the top of his right boot. '_Nope, still there.'_ He confirmed.

He needed a bit more time. "Hey darling doll, how about you tell me more about these wedding plans." He heard Lavender breath heavy and then say excitedly.

"Yes, well I was thinking we could have a cart drawn by 24 mechinods and we simply must invite the Devons."

He heard her continue but was not listening anymore, simply grunting in the right places. He was now slipping the two small strips of plastic explosive onto the hinges of his cell door. Once he had finished he spoke directly to her again.

"Err Sugar babe, you might want to step away from the door."

Her face appeared once more at the Bars. "Why Darling, are you going to rush the door. Daddy had these made out of Menium Steel, there unbreakable!"

"Not quite, plan to blow them, in about 3 seconds." Said Ace turning around and shielding his face.

Lavender screamed and threw herself to the floor just as the door exploded off it hinges and across the corridor.

Ace stepped out through the smoke and over the crying Lavender. "Look sorry, I would love to stay and all. It all sounds smashing, but the universe needs a chap like me, so I'll have to take a rain check." Ace walked away down the corridor only to turn the corner and walk straight into the barrel of a rather large gun. He instantly put his hands behind his back to reach for his gun, but found it gone. '_Dam_' he thought.

"Arrrhh Ace Rimmer, I might have known it would be you." Stated the owner of the Gun pointing at his face.

"Now steady on Baron old chap!" Said Ace taking a step backwards.

The Baron quickly stepped forward and pressed his barrel hard into Aces forehead. "Freeze Mr Rimmer. You are going nowhere. I want to have the pleasure of your company for a second longer."

Ace smiled and flicked his hair over. "Why, plan to tell me your evil plan and then kill me?" he asked.

"No, I plan to give you a five second head start and then kill you." Grinned the Baron.

"5..4.." Began the Baron, spluttered with hysterical laughter.

From down the corridor Lavender appeared hurtling towards Ace and the Baron. This was all the distraction Ace needed. He kicked the Baron hard in the love spuds causing him to double over and lower his gun. Ace twisted the gun out of the crumpled mans hands and flipped it over. Simultaneously Lavender came rushing over the last few steps towards Ace. He side stepped her open arms resulting in Lavender missing him her intended target and hammering into her father. They both crashed through the nearby window and Ace watched as the two disappeared from view.

"Well, that's a dam shame." Said Ace turning away from the broken window and heading up the stairs.

One floor up and he noticed a large vault door. He almost walked past it, but saw that it was open. He peered in and saw the piles of cash.

He eyed up the money and grinned. "Well, seeing as I have been put out and I am going to need a new jacket, Ill just get some reimbursement funds. Say ten thousand dollar pounds should do it."

Ace slung the collected money sack over his shoulder and headed out into the warm planet night air.


	6. Titantic Choices

Lister hurtled up the stairs towards the bridge. He burst through the door and saw Rimmer bent over some charts as calm as anything.

"Rimmer man, this is the Titanic and we are going to hit an ice berg the size of Manhattan Island and sink!"

Rimmer looked up. "Ice bergs, Sinking ships, I don't think so good fellow. There are no reports of any ice in these parts. Now please return to you cabin."

It was no good, whoever or whatever this Rimmer was he clear he did not have the memories of Red Dwarf and Lister. Lister tried a new tact; he strained to see out into the sea, if he could show Rimmer, he could make him believe. He pressed his face to the glass but saw nothing, just the grey blanket of sea fog.

Turning back to the captain he said. "Look, I don't know why I am on this ship, or even if you are Rimmer, but I think I am here to save you. If that means this ship is not going to sink then so help me smeg I am dam going to try."

The Captain placed his hands behind his back and looked at Lister. "OK, say you are correct, and there is some big chunk of ice out there, it does not matter. This ship has been designed to withstand major damage, it can not, I repeat, can not sink."

Lister sighed heavy. "Listen man, never ever believe what the salesman in the shop tells you. It can sink and it will sink."

Captain Rimmer looked at him closely nostrils flaring in only that way that Rimmer could manage. "Sir, this ship is only a matter of weeks old, you talk as if it has come and gone. However you and I are old sea men and so I respect your judgement. What would you have me do?"

Lister breathed a sigh of relief, finally he was getting somewhere. He thought for a second.

"Slow the boat down and wait till morning, till the fog lifts at any rate." suggested Lister.

The Captain pointed at the chart, tracing a rapid line to there indented destination. "We have to make port on time, if I slow down we will miss our target time."

Lister countered. "And if we don't slow down we will never reach port."

The Captain relented. "OK, we will reduce speed. But only till this fog lifts mind."

Lister breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thanks Cap." He turned to go but the look on the Captains face staring out into the sea caught his attention. He followed his gaze and he too froze as the biggest ice berg he had ever seen came into view.

"SMEG". Said Lister.

Seconds later, which felt like hours and a bone crunching sound emitted from far below, as the great wall of ice dragged itself along the side of the ship.

The Captain had moved over to talk into the ship wide intercom and was now barking off orders to persons and people unknown to Lister.

Lister dashed outside and watched as the last of the ice dragged itself kicking and screaming free of the ships metal hulk. He leaned over the side and his suspensions were confirmed. Great plumes of bubbles rose to the surface indicating air was escaping and being replaced by water somewhere below the water line.

"SMEG!" said Lister again.

He dashed back in to find the Captain in a state of shock. "Lister man, we have to get off this ship. Rimmer man are you listening to me?"

The Captain did not answer but simply stared out to sea.

Lister ran over to him and shook him by the shoulders. "Rimmer, Rimmer, we have to go." He said desperately.

Finally the Captain turned his gaze slowly to Lister. "It's OK sir, she won't sink. You go on ahead and make sure you get safe." He said slowly, a man accepting his fate.

Lister was desperate. "No man, you got to come, I need you to come." Said Lister, but then the white light started to return.

"NOOOooooo" cried Lister as the light enveloped his vision.

When it cleared he was sitting alone in a life raft. It was being lowered towards the dark sea. He looked up searching the deck for Rimmer.

"Rimmer, Captain Rimmer are you there?" he called.

The face of the captain peered over the railings.

Lister was a lot lower down the side of the ship now and had to shout. "Rimmer, bring me back up, there is still time. You can come with me."

The life raft continued down towards the water.

"Sorry sir, captains' duty is to stay with his ship." Shouted down the Captain. He saluted Lister with one hand and stepped back from the railings and out of Listers view.

The life boat hit the water and then moved slowly away from the now stricken ship. It was badly leaning to one side. Lister could make out the solitary figure on deck.

Lister stood up and gave Rimmer a full double Rimmer salute. "You smeg head Rimmer, why didn't you come with me." He said to the figure.

The white light was returning, and as it replaced his view the last image he saw was the ship disappearing down into the depths of the ocean.

* * *

The white light slowly cleared and he realised a tear was running down his left cheek. In front of him stood Kryten, the Cat and Kochanski and the Professor.

He and the others walked down the corridor towards the turbo lift. Lister hung back with Kryten and explained what had occurred while in stasis.

"It was so real man, It felt like I was actually there." Said Lister.

"Indeed it would sir. It seems that during your 2 year period of stasis your stasis field was not 100% effective. This resulted in you having dreams. I understand that in you humans it is not uncommon to dream about things that concern or worry them during sleep. It is shall we say a kind of mind repair kit, allowing you to work your problems through." Said Kryten.

"You mean to say, I spent two smegging years dreaming about being on a ship alone with Rimmer, a ship that ended up sinking. When I could have been dreaming about Miranda Hollander Jones." Said the disappointed Lister.

Kryten nodded bemused by the idea of spending two years dreaming about a female. "It seems that you subconsciously are feeling guilty about leaving Mr Rimmer in the mirror universe. This was played out through your dream and the loosing of the Captain on that ship. Again unable to save him, while being saved yourself." Said Kryten in full human diagnostic mode.

Lister and he walked on in silence for a bit, then Lister said. "Smeg, I miss that smeg head, man."

Kryten patted Lister on the shoulder. "I know sir, I know."

Lister quickly moved the conversation on, worried that Kryten might subject him to his VR Rimmer program again.

"Do you think Ace will find all that we need to save Rimmer? I mean it is a pretty big ask. Find a time drive, take us back to the correct point in time and meet up with us at the right time." Said Lister.

Kryten reassured him. "Sir, if anyone can do it, he can. Don't forget this is the man that once pulled a loop de loop while escaping from an exploding nebula."

Lister smiled. "Yeah true, he's pretty cool isn't he?"

Kryten nodded once more. "Indeed he is."

**Next time: Ace has a run in with a band of Robots with to much time on their hands and Lister endulges in an old fantasy. So stay with me, its going to be a fun.....**


	7. Time Police

**Thanks for reviews, it helps keep the keys a tapping. Hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

**ReCap - _Lister, Kryten and the Cat have stepped into the mirror universe, they have just come out of stasis for 2years while the Mirror Cat (Professor) worked on an Antidote to the Microbe. Oh and Lister had a strange dream about Rimmer and the Titanic. Meanwhile Ace Rimmer has been off in search of an old friend to get a Time drive to allow the guys to travel back to a point in time that will allow them to save Rimmer from the doomed version of Red Dwarf. We re-join Ace on board Wildfire about to leave Tin Town._**

Ace flicked on the switch to Wildfires diagnostic computer. After series of beeps that emitted from it a small sheet of paper was spat out. He looked down at the paper and smiled.

"Computer, looks like Slate came through for us." Said Ace.

"It seems so Ace, I have one fully functioning time drive enabled Ace. Why you insist on using that manual diagnostic computer when you have me, I'll never know." Replied the female on board mainframe computer.

Ace tapped the console lightly. "Steady there girl, you know I like the feel of the manual older systems. We better get this baby back up into the big black." Said Ace wrapping his fingers around the reassuring grip of the flight stick.

Wildfires engines fired into life and Ace Rimmer soon left Tin Town far below.

As he reached outer orbit he commenced inputting the necessary calculations for a return to the dimension where he would find Lister and the others waiting for his return.

"Right then, let's go tell them the good news shall we." Said Ace smiling.

As Ace sat back and watched as the universe bend and twist around him, but just before his dimension jump finished he thought he saw something out the corner of his eye.

Straining to see outside the ship Ace asked. "Computer, anything odd about that last jump?"

"Yes Ace, we do not appear to be where or when we want to be. My readings record this as not another dimension but another time, however I am unable to report which."

Before Ace could ask his next question a series of bright lights began to flick on. Wildfire was soon illuminated. Ace quickly realised that he was no longer in space but inside a rather large hanger.

A door opened on the far reaches of the black revealing more light, this was quickly replaced with the dark outline of three figures. The three glided towards Wildfire.

Ace watched them approach every inch of his experience straining to read the situation. From what he could tell that they where mechonoids or possibly robots.

Wildfires computer whispered to him. "Ace I have detected an opening due North, do you want me to fire up the Engines and get us out of here?"

Ace confidently said. "No no, let's see what these fellows want first shall we. It would be rude to scarper without saying hello first." He popped the top of his craft and called down to the three waiting below.

"Hi, the names Ace Rimmer, space adventurer and all round handsome devil. Who might you fellows be?"

With one voice the three Robots spoke.

"We are representatives from the Time police of sector 454, and you are in violation under the Time Treaty act no.25. You will surrender your ship and come with us."

Ace jumped down from his craft and noticed that the three had no eyes, well none he could make out.

"Violation huh, well I better come along and find out what's the fix then." Said Ace heading for the open door.

The three robots tailed on silently behind him.

Ace did not have to go far before another door opened and he was brought into a large chamber which was surrounded by what looked like windows. As he watched each window lit up and in each another Robot could be seen.

"So what is this place?" asked Ace to the three still standing behind him.

"You are standing in the court of time and you will now answer for your crime." Said the three.

Ace firmly placed his feet apart and spoke. "Crime huh, look if this is about that parking ticket I picked up back in Tin Town I am sure we can straighten this out." Said Ace grinning.

A large window lit up straight in front of him and a larger robot than the rest slid into view. It's deep monotone voice began to recite the crime against Ace.

"Ace Rimmer, you have been found guilty of seeking out and owning a time drive, with the sole indent of using that drive to change time. How do you plead?"

Ace looked around the chamber, guns were not going to work here, far too many and he was too deep into their ship to communicate with Wildfire. No he was going to have to talk his way out of this one.

He pulled a fresh cigar from his jacket and lit it. "Guilty my errr robot lord" replied Ace looking not the slightest bit worried about this fact.

The robot continued. "The defendant has admitted his crime and therefore sustenance will be now passed. My fellow Time law makers what do you say?" asked the robot.

Around the chamber each window slowly turned a deep red.

Ace looked around at the sea of red. "Hmmm, I'm guessing red is not this year's colour of choice, unless you plan a spot of dieing."

The robots voice bombed out once more.

"Ace Rimmer you will be erased from time and all you actions will therefore be undone. Sentence will be carried out _**immediately**_."


	8. Listers Night Out

**Having been released from stasis Lister and the others hang around for Ace.... Enjoy.**

Lister and the others had settled into the small quarters the Professor had supplied while they waited for Ace to show up. Lister looked around at the grey walls and let out a large bellow of air.

Kochanski looked up from the novel that she had found in one of the draws. "Lister can you please stop doing that."

"What, am I bothering you?" Asked Lister

Kochanski looked up at him; he was chewing on some gum like a cow chewing a cud of grass. "Yes, look we have only been out of stasis for a week so find something to do, read a book."

"I don't read books, I prefer vid versions!" replied Lister

"Well then, put a vid on." Said Kochanski

"Narrr, I don't fancy watching any of them again." Said Lister still chewing.

"It's just I'm bored OK." Said Lister flicking the piece of gum from his mouth and onto the poster of a neutron explosion. It read

_'Why wait until it explodes, use Neutron tablets today for those headaches that just won't go away.'_

Kochanski looked up again. "I know, it's not a kettle of fish for me either you know. Why don't you take a walk down to the Professors lab again?" she asked hopefully.

Lister didn't look very excited by the idea. "That's smegging boring too. Can't we go out proper, you know go to a bar, have a few laughs."

Kochanski put down the book, this had to be nipped in the bud before Lister got any bright ideas if that was indeed possible.

"Look didn't we agree it was best to take a low profile until Ace shows up. If you go swanning off down to the CopaCabana Cocktail Bar, before we know it we will have half the ship asking questions."

Lister looked offended. "Are you saying I can't keep a low profile and drink?"

"Lister, 30 man strong stag parties are more low profile than you." Continued Kochanski.

Lister popped another piece of gum into his mouth. "I can be low profile, what about that time we went down the bar with Rimmer. I was so low profile there you could have entered me into the world limbo championships."

Kochanski sighed. "One you where ill, which was why you agreed to take Rimmer and two you were half drugged up on god knows what. You had one beer and promptly feel asleep in the corner."

Lister looked embarrassed. "I know, I'll never live that night down."

He got up and headed for the door. "OK, I'll go down the lab, see what Kryten and the Cats' are up too."

Kochanski picked up her book titled Fishes of the universe and continued to read.

Half way down the corridor Lister stopped having spotted a poster.

'TALENT CONTEST – TONIGHT – 7pm at the Zoo Bar'

Lister grinned. '_Talent contest huh, now that sounds like proper fun._' He checked his watch, 6:30pm, he still had time. He doubled back and quietly looked in on Kochanski. She was still buried in her book. He crept across the space to the cupboard and opened it very carefully.

The door to the cupboard gave way to his pull and soundlessly opened '_YES_' thought Lister. Inside he pulled out the guitar they had found when first stepping through the mirror and crept back across the room to the corridor. Just as he was crossing the doorway threshold he heard Kochanski's voice.

"Lister, where are you going with that guitar?"

Lister turned to see her looking at him with a disapproving look. "Oh nowhere, just thought I would go down the air lock and jam out a few bars. You know kill a few hours on the old strings."

Kochanski waved her hand to motion he should just go and so he left.

The Zoo bar was packed; people everywhere were having a good time. Lister squeezed up to the bar and learned over to get the barman's attention.

"Oy Mate, where do I register for this talent contest?"

The Barman pointed to the line of people in the far corner and so Lister made his way to the back of the queue.

He looked down the line, two others had guitars and one guy was dressed as a monkey. '_No prob, got this in the bag._' He thought.

He reached the front of the line and looked down at the man in glasses far too big for his face.

"Name?" asked the man.

"Dave Lister" replied Lister

"Talent?" asked the man, scribbling Lister down on the form in front of him.

"Mind blowing guitar player" said Lister with enthusiasm.

The man look up at him, taking him in for the first time, he raised an eyebrow but scribbled down his talent.

"Wait over there until you're called, and then do your stuff OK?" he said.

"Sure whatever." Replied Lister.

He made his way over to the right hand side of the small stage and found a seat next to the monkey. "Alight man, what you do?" he asked.

The monkey replied using a series of grunts.

"Oh very authentic" Replied Lister

The monkey lifted his mask. "Dam mask, can't breath or talk in this thing. I'm Danny the Monkey, I dance."

Lister smiled. "Nice to meet you Dan, want a drink?"

"Sure why not, I'll have a pina colada." Replied the Monkey.

"OK." Said Lister getting up again and heading to the bar.

Krytenand the Cat returned to the small quarters and found Kochanski alone sleep with her head laid against the book on fish. Kryten coughed far too loudly.

"What, oh it's you two." Said the sleepy Kochanski.

"Hey, officer bud, have you seen the other monkey, I'm hungry." Said the Cat.

Kocanski stretched, sleeping at the table was not good for a ballet posture. "What, he left about an hour or so ago to come and find you, have you not seen him?"

"No mam, we have been with the professor all afternoon, and there has been no sign of Mr David." Said Kryten.

"I said, I'm hungry, who is going to feed me?" asked the Cat having not listened to a word that was just said.

Kochanski scowled at him. "Vending machine, outside, GO!"

The Cat took the hint and left on a mission for food.

Kryten was now looking worried. "Oh, do you think something has happened to him. What if he has been found out, and is right now being dissected bit by bit in lab tests."

Kochanski got up and returned the book to the draw where she found it. "Listen, if he is where I think he is, he is going to wish he was in that lab."

The two of them left and found the Cat, hording 5 fish carton trays. "Come on, we are going to find Lister." Said Kochanski.

"What, why do I need that monkey for?" asked the Cat pulling his dinner closer into his chest.

Kochanski knelt down in front of the him. "Look, if Lister goes and gets found out that he is not from this ship or reality, they will come looking for us. If they come looking for us they will do tests on us, or stick us back in the Tank. Now you remember what the food was like in there don't you?"

The Cat looked down at the piles of fish trays and then looked at her. "OK, when do we leave?" he asked grinning.

The three of them continued down the corridor when Kochanski spotted the poster about the Talent contest.

"Guys, I think I know where he is?" she said pointed to the poster.

The Cat looked surprised. "Wow, you think he has been turned into bits of paper and stuck up all over the ship, that's bad!"

Kochanski shook her head. "No, he's gone to enter this. Earlier I saw him sneak out with that guitar."

Kryten looked at the poster. "I agree, it would be the most logical place for him to go. It's in a bar and he gets to play his guitar. We better hurry!"

Lister and his new friend the monkey where on there 10th pint when the host announced the next act.

"NOW LADIES and GENTLEMEN, SHIP MATES and STOWAWAYS, MAY I INTRODUCE THE AMAZING DANCING MONKEY!"

He stood to one side and pointed to Dan the Monkey.

Lister prodded his new friend who promptly went face first into his beer.

"Err, I don't think the monkey is very well, but I am ready if you like?" Said Lister to the host.

The host looked slightly puzzled but soon re-composed himself.

"What's your name friend?" he asked Lister

"Dave, Dave Lister and me guitar." Replied Lister.

The host nodded and made a new announcement.

"It seems that the Monkey has stepped out for a banana but instead we are pleased to bring you Dave Lister and his guitar. So A BIG HAND PLEASE FOR DAVE!!!"

Lister pulled himself out of his seat, grabbed the guitar and headed for the stage.

Once on stage the host lent over and whispered in his ear. "Good luck, they are getting a bit wild out there tonight."

Lister winked and watched him leave. Suddenly he noticed the two hundred or so faces in the room all looking at him, all expecting something amazing from him, Dave Lister, space bum. What the smegwas he thinking? He did not even have a song in mind to play. He considered the OMM song but figured it would not go down with this crowd. Seconds pasted and the crowed started to get restless a few people began to heckle for him to get on with it.

Lister sat down on the stool that had been provided and decided to just see what came out. He began to play slowly at first but as the music began to flow he got quicker and more confident. His skill level in this reality was off the scale. In his reality he was absurdly bad, but here he was a wizard.

"YES, Smegging ACE" said Lister as he strummed out his jamming cords.

People began, dancing and cheering as he played. He looked down at his fingers that seemed to dance across the stings, '_Wow, I'm smegging unbelievable_'he thought.

His song finished and the crowed cheered and called for more. Lister took a big bow and left the stage.

The host returned to the stage and picked up the mic.

"That was Dave Lister and his bloody fantastic guitar playing. Lets here it for Dave!"

The crowed once more went wild and Lister turned and tipped his hat to the crowed.

"This is the place, I just know it is." Said the Cat looking pleased.

Kochanski was never surprised at the level of stupidity the Cat could sometimes produce. Right now he was standing outside the Bar with a huge banner across the top of the doors proclaiming TALENT CONTEST – TONIGHT!

The three entered into the packed bar, it was clearly a popular night, the place was packed. Everyone seemed to be cheering and clapping for the last act. Kochanski went up to the bar and called the barman over.

"Hi, have you seen a man with a guitar, slightly short, dear starker hat and smiles far too much." She asked.

The barman pointed in Listers direction.

She turned to follow his finger and saw Lister grinning as hordes of people were patting him on the back and offering to buy him drinks.

"Low profile huh Lister." Muttered Kochanski as she and the others squeezed over to Lister.

"Sir, are you OK we were most worried." Asked Kryten as they finally reached Lister.

"Kryten, sure, brutal. Have you met Dan here, he's a monkey." Said Lister grinning.

Kochanski pushed past Kryten. "LISTER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" she shouted at him. A few people nearby turned to look at them.

Lister held out his hands. "Hey, clam down you drawing attention to yourself, what about the low profile."

"Low profile, I'm not the one who by the sounds of it has just made his face very well known to hundreds of people." Said Kochanski clearly flustered.

"Hey, it's OK they really like me." Said Lister still grinning.

Kochanski made to leave. "Come on we better go before someone twigs we are not from around here."

Lister sat down. "I'm not going anywhere, I might win this." He said picking up his pint and downing it.

"Lister we have to go, what if they call security?" said Kochanski.

"Then security will have to wait. I have never won anything, and I reckon I am in with a good chance here." He replied.

Kochanski could tell she was not going to win, so she decided it best that she sat down and do what ever damage control she could muster.

The host was back on stage.

"OK, this is it people, the moment you have all been waiting for. IT'S WINNER ANNOUNCMENT TIME."

Everyone cheered.

He called up several acts and lastly turned to Lister and asked him to join them on stage. Kochanski shook her head at him, but he got up and went anyway.

The crowed hushed and the lights dimmed to show just the contenders on stage.

"So in reverse order…" started the host, adding a lengthily pause before he continued.

"In third place we have George the amazing hologram, I think we all enjoyed the sword swallowing George."

The crowed cheered and George bowed.

"In Second place…." More pause and Lister started to chew the edge of his hat.

"We have the amazing Mr Fuzz."

Lister started to grin and the host turned to him. "And that means the amazing, totally brilliant Dave Lister and his Guitar is the winner of this week's talent show." He handed Lister a small trophy and pushed the mic into Lister's face.

"Say something for the crowed Dave." He prompted.

Lister looked over to the others who seemed to be in shock and so he decided what to say.

"I want to thank by friends over there for the support and dedication over the years and I would not be hear today without them."

He handed the mic back to the host and was about to leave the stage when the crowd started chanting.

"LISTER….LISTER….LISTER….ENCORE!"

Kochanski held her head in her hands. "Oh boy."

Lister sat on the chair that was brought back out for him and began to play. Once more the notes and strings came alive and once more he played like he never played before. When he finished he bowed and walked over to the others who all stood there with there mouths on the floor.

The Cat was first to speak. "How did you do that, you suck at the guitar. Anyway I should off entered, I would off won on my dam fine looks." Said the Cat spinning and almost knocking several beers off the table in the process.

"I don't think so Cat, remember what you look like here?" said Lister.

Kryten moved aside to let Lister sit down. "Mr Lister knew that in this reality he really can play the guitar and used this knowledge to enter and win the contest. May I say sir, this is for you a stroke of genius and was groovy playing sir."

Lister smiled. "Thanks Kryters"

Kochanski was starting to look worried. "OK, so you have won the contest and had your fun, can we leave now, before someone starts asking questions.

Lister sighed, downed another two pints and got up. "OK, let's go."

Two days after Listers' moment of frame and Kochanski burst into the room.

"There looking for him!" she said closing the door quickly behind her.

Lister turned away from the Vid screen and looked at her.

"Looking for who?" he asked.

"YOU!" she said pointing directly at him.

"What, who wants me, is it my fan club, a bunch of screaming beauties after my body?" asked Lister excitedly.

Kochanski crossed the room and started packing.

"No.. Security are looking for you. Apparently Dave Lister died in this reality over ten years ago. Something about becoming a game head." Said Kochanski still grabbing items from around the room and stuffing them into a bag.

Kryten started to look worried. "OH my, this is most unfortunate indeed. What are we going to do?"

"Well we can't stay here they are doing a search of this deck, someone had tipped them off that you have been seen on this level. We will have to make our way to the Professors lab and hope that Ace gets here soon." Said Kochanski grabbing the book on Fish."

Lister spotted her tucking it into the bag. "I thought you said that book was boring." He asked.

"Lister, it may be boring but unlike some when I start something I finish it. Plus I just have to know what as Venus bladder fish actually does when it goes south for the winter, I mean where does it put all its stuff?" She retorted.

The four of them made there way to the lab making every effort to avoid people, but somehow they kept running into people who would recognise Lister and start commenting on his playing the other night. Finally they made it to his lab and entered to find the professor curled up asleep under his desk.

Lister went up to him and shook his shoulder. "Wake up Proff, wake up!"

The Professor stretched and then realising he had company quickly stood up banging his head on the desk top.

"Has Ace made contact yet?" asked Kochanski

"Ace huh, oh yes in fact he did, last night. He said he has a spot of bother but will be with us shortly. I believe he said Hang tight!"

Kryten flustered. "Oh that is good news, everybody let's just hang tight OK."

Lister slumped down on a nearby chair and kicked off his boots. "Sure Kryten, it's what I do best."


	9. Time Police Continued

**Recap - Ace is on board the Robot Time police ship and has just been sentenced to be wiped from existence.**

Ace held up his hands in a motion for them to wait a second, as he looked up at the judge and jury around him.

"Do you not know who I am?" he asked looking around at the windows still blazed in red.

No response.

"I suggest you look me up, check out beyond this sector and look into the legend that is Ace Rimmer. If you erase me, the universe will change. I guaranty you this, it will not be for the better."

Silence, he figured they were doing their homework on him.

Ace decided now was a good time to drop his next nugget of information on this lot.

"In fact I did a little research on the Time police, I think you should check out time act 04b."

More silence while Ace stood waiting for the information to sink in.

The large robot spoke once more. "Ace Rimmer it seems if we erase you we will erase ourselves. How is this?" asked the now less confident and slightly confused sounding robot.

Ace tossed his hair over. "You see my friends, I set up the Time police to establish this sector as safe from time travel."

The robot quickly replied to this news. "How is this possible no mere human can span such a great time gap?"

Ace smiled. "Simple old fella, I am no mere human, I'm Ace Rimmer."

More silence and then Ace watched in silence as the windows around the great chamber slowly all turned green.

"It seems that you are the one individual that can be trusted with time in this sector therefore we have pardoned your crime. However the time drive can not be permitted to exist and will be confiscated." The robot finished bluntly.

Aces smile faded. "Now look here, I need that drive, so how about you just let me leave quietly?"

More silence then a collective voice spoke out. "NOOOOO!"

"Bugger!" said Ace. "I was hoping you would not say that, now don't say I didn't ask nicely."

The three robots behind him indicated he should leave. They lead him out by a different door. Ace considered his options, now was not the right time to make a break for it, maybe when outside he could overpower the three and get back to his ship.

Outside in the cold corridor he looked around at the three following him. The door to the chamber hissed closed, Ace made his move. He dashed ahead of them down the corridor but realised quickly that they had caught up with him in an instant and calmly keeping speed with him.

"Err, just stretching my legs fellas" joked Ace.

He slowed back to a walk and turned to look at them again and noticed a small power unit on the bottom left of each unit. If he took out that unit it might disable each unit. He would have to be quick, but thankfully quick wasn't a problem for him.

He waited until they reached the next corner and then spun round and pulled his gun on the three robots. They made no move, no look of shock or horror, as he fired off three quick succession shots into each of the robots power units. Sure enough each unit sparked a little and then dropped to the floor and promptly fell over.

'_Dam, that was easy, maybe a little too easy._' He thought, not waiting around for any others to show up or the three to recover, he set off at speed.

He twisted and turned down the corridors until he found a door marked with some strange symbols. He hit the control switch and stepped inside.

Inside the room were masses and masses of computers. It was wall to wall solid tech.

"Wow there is more tech in here than at a computer fair, held in Wembley arena." he whistled.

He went over to a terminal, '_Hmm standard hoogle 7002 operating system, might of guessed._'. He placed his pocket size portable computer against the terminal. The lights on it began to flick on and off before finally 4 green lights showed the terminal was unlocked. He ran his hand over the screen and began searching through the information. He quickly found what he needed on his location and the way back to Wildfire. Next he decided to give himself a little time to escape this Dimension.

Finishing he stepped back into the corridor but quickly ducked back into the room as two robots glided past. He waited then looked out again. '_All clear_'.

Out in the corridor no sign of his escape was detected so far so good.

He found Wildfire quickly enough and climbed up into the cot pit.

"Right old girl, what were you saying about an exit…" he said.

Wildfires engines fired up as several doors opened up around the hold.

"Looks like we have company!" said Ace. "Better punch it."

Wildfire burst out from the ship and into space.

* * *

The master robot, had detected Ace leave the ship.

"He must be stopped, engage a time net and bring him back." He ordered to the two other smaller robots in the room.

They hovered over to a computer bank and both sent out a small plug that interfaced with the device.

"Engaging time net." They said together.

Time stopped, but when it started again they found themselves in the same place only 30 seconds on from the point in time before.

"What occurred?" said the master robot.

The two smaller robots spoke again. "Time net was engaged correctly, we appear to be…" then time stopped.

It stated again 30 seconds later.

"What occurred?" repeated the master robot.

"Time net completed, a time lapse occurred and…" then time stopped.

It started again 30 seconds later.

* * *

Wildfire put several hundred clicks between it and the Robot Time ship.

"Ace, how did you manage to stop them bringing us back?" asked his computer.

"Simple, I planted a loop in there time drive subroutine which caused them to loop forward by a short period of time, then reset, simple Gosub loop really. It thereby allowed us to make our escape. All part of standard space core mainframe programming that Ace no. 232 picked up." Said Ace.

He punched in the dimension information for the mirror universe and sat back. "Let's go computer."

Wildfire bent the laws of physics once more and dragged itself from one dimension to the next.


	10. Home

**So it ends here, the last chapter to my Mirror Universe story. Cheers for following and reading and enjoy.**

Ace Rimmer jumped down onto the flight deck to meet the waiting five.

He walked over to the group and gripped Listers hand firmly. "Skipper, how goes it?" said Ace giving Listers arm the now familiar whip lash.

Lister grinned. "Not bad actually, the Professor has the antidote."

"Good job. What about you Cat, ready to slip back into some Cuban heels?" said Ace looking at the sorry figure that was Dwayne Dibbley.

"You bet I am, if I ever see a pair of nylon corduroy flairs it will be too soon." Said the Cat pulling at his very unfashionable trousers.

Kryten spoke up. "Sir, has your mission been successful do you have what we need to get us back home?"

Ace slapped Kryten across the shoulder blades, nearly knocking Kryten over in the process. "Sure have Kryten. Mind you had a bit of trouble getting it here, but all good to go now."

The professor stepped forward and handed over the small vial of the antidote. "Here it is, be very careful, this small tube can wipe out anything in this universe as it won't be the true anti microbe until you pass back to the mirror universe."

"Don't worry, should be able to deploy it from Starbug I have made a couple of modifications." Said Ace.

Kochanski who was hovering near the back of the group was frequently looking over her shoulder at the doors. She could wait no longer. "Errr I hate to break up the macho convention but I think we better get going, who knows when security will catch up with us."

Lister, Kryten, Cat and Kochanski shook the professor's hand, who wished them luck. They set off towards Starbug.

"Once we are outside the ship I will throw a dimension bubble around Starbug and take you home." Said Ace as he climbed back into Wildfire.

They nodded and set to work on getting Starbug out into space.

* * *

Lister and the Cat sat in the flight seats while Kryten and Kochanski were at the science and navigation stations. Starbug was slowly lifting off the flight desk and in front of them they saw Ace's ship leave via the flight decks large doors.

"Sir, I suggest we make a swift exit before security block our exit." Said Kryten to Lister.

The Cat looked over his shoulder. "To late bud, the main door is beginning to close, their on to us."

Lister and the others could clearly see the huge flight doors slowly closing and reducing the opening, and there only way out.

A female voice came over the radio. "This is Red Dwarf flight control, you are in volition of flight directive 254a. Please return the craft to the flight deck and disembark." Stated the voice.

"Let me handle this." Said the Cat.

"No time, everyone hold onto your seats I'm taking her out!" Said Lister

Starbugs main engine burst into life and rocked the ship forward towards the now worryingly small exit. They rapidly approached the small vertical rectangle space that was the only part of the huge doors left open.

"We won't make it sir!" said a very worried sounding Kryten.

Lister on the other hand tightly gripped the flight stick and set a look of determination across his face. In a calm voice he said.

"We'll make it, we always make it."

The hole was almost upon them now, too late to do anything else but go forward it was do or die. Lister stuck his tongue out from the corner of his mouth and at the list minute flicked the flight stick taking the little ship on to its side. Starbug squeezed through the remaining space and out into space.

"Yes, brutal.. She rides!!!" declared the jubilant Lister. He high-fived the grinning Cat.

"Oh sir, I think I feel the urgent need to clear out my waste disposal unit." Said Kryten.

"Yeah nice flying Lister, I didn't know you had it in you." Said Kochanski.

Ace's face appeared on the console screen.

"That was some fancy flying there Skipper, now how about we get you guys back home."

A blue bubble emitted from Wildfire and surrounded the small craft and space began to fold around them.

When it was over Lister looked up from the pile of vomit he had added to the collection he and the others had deposited on the floor. Out of the view screen, all he could see was the blackness of space and the outline of Wildfire. No Red Dwarf.

"Kryten check the scanners, I can't see Red Dwarf." He said.

Kryten was half way out of the room heading for his favourite mop and bucket. "Sir, there is no point; it has probably decayed to nothing by now, remember we are two years still in the future."

"Smeg, yeah I forgot." Said Lister trying not to step in the puddle creeping around the floor.

Ace appeared again on the console.

"High fellers welcome home." Said Ace smiling. His smile faded somewhat as he noticed Kryten now standing there with mop and bucket.

"Oh sorry about the sickness, forgot to warn you about Dimension travel, plays havoc with the stomach. Hey Cat good to see you looking more like your self." Said Ace.

The Cat was already in the process of blow drying his hair and waxing his arms simultaneously. "Yep, the universe can relax, _style order has been restored. Aoowwwww!_"

Lister who now had his feet up on the console. "Hey, you guys want me to test if my Guitar playing sounds awesome?" asked Lister hopefully.

Kryten, Kris and the Cat collectively and firmly said "No."

"No need Davey boy, computer confirms your dimension so all I need to do now is pop you guys back in time to do your stuff." Said Ace.

Lister looked worried. "What your not coming with us?"

"Fraid not Skipper, laws of physics are tricky fellas. I can't send Wildfire and Starbug back together and so it is a one way ticket for you guys." Said Ace grinning.

"Sir, will we see you again?" asked Kryten.

"Sure Kryters, as I said before, I keep an eye on things and so may drop bye from time to time." Said Ace.

"Oh and one more thing, when you see my other self, tell him to lighten up a bit will you. Now hold on tight, if you thought Dimension travel was rough you better put buckets on standby."

Ace engaged the time drive. "See ya guys, smoke me a kipper."

The four began to wave but before any of them could say anything time changed and they slipped back two years.

Ace Rimmer smiled. "Well then computer, looks like our work is done I feel a bit of R&R is needed on how about we check out that invite from the Zillion Sisters."

* * *

Time popped and Starbug became a reality and the four of them stared out at the horror in front of them. The sight of the decaying RedDwarf.

**The End**

**Well that's it, back to the start of Rimmer Re-Born. If you have not read that story this is where it starts from. Thanks to everyone who bothered to read and put up with my grammar and spelling. I hope the ride was worth it. **

**Not sure what is next for the guys, but I am sure I'll think of something… **


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